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# of watchers: 289
| D20: 11 |
| Wiki-page rating |  Stumble! |
| Informative: | 0 |
| Artistic: | 0 |
| Funny-rating: | 0 |
| Friendly: | 17 |
04/05 05/06 06/07 07/08 08/09 09/10 10/11 11/12 12/13 13/14 14/15 15/16 16/17 17/18 18/19 19/20 20/21 | 9709 3870 3065 5676 4309 2879 5259 1697 0984 0756 0394 0177 0384 1677 0471 0285 0118 | 26.6 cpd 10.6 cpd 08.4 cpd 15.5 cpd 11.8 cpd 07.9 cpd 14.4 cpd 04.7 cpd 02.7 cpd 02.1 cpd 01.1 cpd 00.5 cpd 01.1 cpd 04.6 cpd 01.3 cpd 00.8 cpd 00.3 cpd | 09709 13579 16644 22320 26666 29545 34804 36501 37484 38240 38634 38839 39223 40900 41371 41656 41774 | 26.6 cpd/9709 cpy 18.6 cpd/6789 cpy 15.2 cpd/5548 cpy 15.3 cpd/5580 cpy 14.6 cpd/5333 cpy 13.5 cpd/4924 cpy 13.6 cpd/4972 cpy 12.5 cpd/4563 cpy 11.4 cpd/4165 cpy 10.5 cpd/3824 cpy 09.6 cpd/3512 cpy 08.9 cpd/3237 cpy 08.3 cpd/3017 cpy 08.0 cpd/2921 cpy 07.6 cpd/2758 cpy 07.1 cpd/2604 cpy 06.7 cpd/2457 cpy |
2018-01-02 [Mortified Penguin]: There, that should keep the average up for a while.
2018-01-02 [Yuriona]: Where the hell do you find that shit anyways? O_o
2018-01-03 [Nuktae-tal]: Mort knows the dark side of the Ethernet. Where only the hilarious and mad goes.
2018-01-03 [Pied Crow]: That is a very dishonest practice, Mort. I'm disgusted at you, especially since I've now dictated that you know I'll speak up whenever someone mentions lizards or kaiju.
2018-01-03 [Nuktae-tal]: My bones are showing! Have you no decency?!
2018-01-03 [Mortified Penguin]: Why is that skeleton using two mice?! Also, his necktie seems a bit bony.
2018-01-03 [Mortified Penguin]: *holds Mothra down and starts skinning the brisket*
2018-01-03 [Sagacious Turkey]: Dibs on the drumsticks!
2018-01-03 [Mortified Penguin]: You're thinking of butterflies. Moth leg meat down to the hoof is called chuck, not drumstick. Trust me, I'm one of those guys that butchers meat, a meateorologist or whatever they're called.
*goes back to sawing through a particularly thick moth bone, trying to get the hide off the thorax*
2018-01-04 [Pied Crow]: .......
Well, at least now it won't look like what it used to be...unlike seafood.
2018-01-04 [Mortified Penguin]: Our seafood here looks like Yuriona.
*continues sawing into the floorboards*
*keeps sawing his way out into traffic*
2018-01-04 [Nuktae-tal]: *sells tickets to the meat show*
2018-01-04 [Yuriona]: I am not seafood. I just look like it.
2018-01-05 [Mortified Penguin]: Yeah, yeah. Stop flapping your gills at me and flop back into your frying pan.
2018-01-05 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-01-06 [Nuktae-tal]: Lolololol trolololol!
2018-01-06 [Mortified Penguin]: *a gorilla bashes Necktie-troll with a stick*
2018-01-06 [Nuktae-tal]: Yay monkey! * does the monkey dance*
2018-01-06 [Pied Crow]: Oh, wait, gills? I like fish! They're cute.
2018-01-06 [Yuriona]: No. It isn't a non stick pan. I refuse.
2018-01-06 [Mortified Penguin]: Ugh, FINE! *takes the stick out of the pan and hands it to the gorilla*
*he begins twirling both sticks and doing amazing flips as he approaches Naktae-tul threatening*
*he becomes distracted by a diseased pigeon flying around and ends up masturbating and flinging poo at customers from behind the counter*
*the health inspector stares on in horror*
2018-01-07 [Nuktae-tal]: *licks the health inspector and throws feces at gorilla screaming* monkey!!!!
2018-01-07 [Mortified Penguin]: The way you hit that other gorilla was good.
2018-01-07 [Mortified Penguin]: *notices the health inspector scowling, his lunch completely covered in feces*
*rushes over and gently places a hairnet on some of the poo*
My apologies, sir, usually we lock the gorilla in the kitchen during health inspections, but it broke free. PACO! PEDRO! PUT THAT DISGUSTING BEAST BACK IN THE KITCHEN!
*they grab Misty and start dragging her away*
*the health inspector tips his hat and resumes eating his lunch*
2018-01-08 [Yuriona]: *hops out of the pan and slips into the sewer drain*
2018-01-08 [Pied Crow]: Hey, that Yuriona skipped the frying pan part!
2018-01-08 [Nuktae-tal]: Crow!!!!! *shoves crackers into Pied's beak hole.*
2018-01-09 [Pied Crow]: GRAACK-cawwphg
Kuh! You can just hand them to me, you know! I have opposable feathers!
2018-01-09 [Sagacious Turkey]: ROLL TIDE! *shoves Yuriona back into the well*
*curb stomps a bulldog*
2018-01-09 [Yuriona]: *falls in with a splash* Dammit! You stupid turkey! You're bold now With Thanksgiving and Christmas over.
2018-01-09 [Sagacious Turkey]: You betcha.
2018-01-09 [Sagacious Turkey]: 
2018-01-09 [Sagacious Turkey]: 
2018-01-10 [Nuktae-tal]: Gasp!!
2018-01-10 [Sagacious Turkey]: Anyway, back to work.
*puts on a mask and pulls out a gun*
*fires a couple rounds into the air*
WHERE ARE THE DIAMONDS?!
*takes a bowl of ramen hostage*
2018-01-10 [Pied Crow]: Turkey-bird, what do you think you're doing? This isn't Payday.
2018-01-10 [Nuktae-tal]: Payday!!! *makes it rain with watermelons being shot out of a canon*
2018-01-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Ramen, NNNOOOOOO!!
Listen, buddy, we don't want no trouble...
*opens the register and starts scooping piles of diamonds out of the diamond slot into a plastic Wal-Mart bag*
2018-01-10 [Sagacious Turkey]: GOOD. Also, can I get an order of cheese fries to go?
*hands over a huge wad of cash*
2018-01-10 [Mortified Penguin]: WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS! *slaps the money out of your hand*
*dumps the order of cheese fries down into the diamond bag*
Thank you for eating at Bob's Diner, come again s-
Waaaiiiit a second, that large Turkey beak sticking out of that mask seems familiar...
2018-01-10 [Sagacious Turkey]: *takes off the mask and notices a large Turkey beak jutting out of the top*
Nah, it's just a generic beak. *puts his mask back on to hide his identity*
SAGACIOUS TURKEY AWAY! *fires off a few more rounds and casually strolls out the front door*
2018-01-10 [Mortified Penguin]: Since there's no way to ever know who that masked bandit that left a trail of turkey feathers is, those cheese fries are coming out of your paycheck! *stabs Paco with his Employee Discipline Machete*
2018-01-10 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-01-11 [Nuktae-tal]: *does ballet, by convulsing*
2018-01-11 [Pied Crow]: ... Is it bad I only just now noticed how many birds there are around here? A turkey, a penguin, a luzon bleeding heart...
And I...I swear, my own identity is a coincidence!
2018-01-11 [Nuktae-tal]: WHO ARE YOU?!?!?
2018-01-11 [Mortified Penguin]: That's not a bleeding-heart
That's just our resident CIA/FBI spook, trying to gather intel for his Bob's Diner Threat Matrix. He claims to be a crow, but I've always suspected he may be some kind of owl. Or possibly a seagull.
2018-01-11 [Nuktae-tal]: So not a writing desk then?
2018-01-11 [Yuriona]: Nor a pelican?
2018-01-11 [Mortified Penguin]: NO, THOSE ARE RIDICULOUS SUGGESTIONS. He could be a flamingo though.
2018-01-12 [Sheamus Finn]: I swore he was a flying emu....
2018-01-12 [Pied Crow]: Please, please! Let us settle this once and for all...
CAAAAAWWWWWWW!
2018-01-12 [Yuriona]: Kite with throat cancer?
2018-01-12 [Nuktae-tal]: A bagpipe?!
2018-01-12 [Pied Crow]: ... Actually, "Kite with throat cancer," isn't too far off. How'd you know our moniker is Smoky?!
2018-01-13 [Yuriona]: I'm psychic seafood? 
2018-01-13 [Sheamus Finn]: Off tuned bat?
2018-01-14 [Mortified Penguin]: *flies [Pied Crow] near some power lines*
2018-01-14 [Nuktae-tal]: My power!!!
2018-01-14 [Mortified Penguin]: *gets bored and let's the kite fly away*
*starts setting fires and playing around in open manholes*
2018-01-14 [Nuktae-tal]: *flushes alligators and baby clowns down the toilet unto the sewers.*
2018-01-14 [Pied Crow]: Hmmm, I'm not sure what's worse... You trying to spook me with electricity or you mixing up lets and let us.
*drifts away with my thoughts*
2018-01-14 [Mortified Penguin]: I just go with whatever word the phone suggests. I love this piece of great technology!
2018-01-14 [Mortified Penguin]: Speaking of, I need to finish this fancy Elftown app I was working on:
2018-01-14 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-01-15 [Nuktae-tal]: I'm a people too!!
2018-01-15 [Mortified Penguin]: We don't serve people here.
2018-01-15 [Nuktae-tal]: I mean... uuuhhh I'm a wolf!
2018-01-16 [Mortified Penguin]: Gray Wolf or Timber Wolf?!
2018-01-16 [Pied Crow]: What if it's Grey Wolf?
2018-01-16 [Mortified Penguin]: Wikipedia said it was 'gray'. Wikipedia wouldn't lie to me.
2018-01-16 [Pied Crow]: You should take into account every search result when fact checking! All 1,000,000 of them! It is the only way to maintain true accuracy!
2018-01-16 [Nuktae-tal]: I'm a red wolf?! Or black... might be purple I don't remember now
2018-01-18 [Pied Crow]: Speak carefully... Mort is well-informed.
2018-01-18 [Nuktae-tal]: Moist what am i?!
2018-01-18 [Sheamus Finn]: a cake? Cause otherwise this might get X-rated fast.....
2018-01-18 [Nuktae-tal]: I don't see the tentacles yet so I think we are good.
2018-01-18 [Mortified Penguin]: The fuck is a wolf?! *eats a handful of ramen*
*snorts some of the noodles up through his nostrils*
Where the hell is my crackpipe?! *scratches his teeth*
2018-01-18 [Mortified Penguin]: AAAAAAHHHHHH!! *rips off his suit, revealing several flailing tentacles and one that's just sort of dangling there unenthusiastic
2018-01-19 [Nuktae-tal]: Oh god cover that thing will you?! There are children!
2018-01-19 [Mortified Penguin]: *the unenthusiastic one suddenly perks up*
2018-01-19 [Pied Crow]: テンタクル？ 興味ないね… >_>
2018-01-19 [Nuktae-tal]: *offers blow up dolls of Mickey mouse and Minnie to tentacles.* whose some good tentacles you are!
2018-01-19 [Mortified Penguin]: あなたはなれます。
*the tentacles eat some ramen*
2018-01-20 [Pied Crow]: Too small for my tastes, Penguin. I need at least two hundred feet.
2018-01-21 [Mortified Penguin]: But tentacles don't have feet. They do wear socks though. And have toes. And fingernails. Not toenails! Fingernails. Also toenails. On their feet.
2018-01-21 [Nuktae-tal]: I wish I had fingernails on my toes... that would be nice.
2018-01-21 [Mortified Penguin]: So do I. And so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. *nods wisely as he gently strokes a crooning midget*
2018-01-21 [Pied Crow]: Huh, I was half-right about how you were gonna react to that. Looks like I don't quite have you pegged, Sir Penguin.
2018-01-21 [Pied Crow]: Ah, and that thing at the bottom says there are 40003 comments! What a nice, non-symbolic number.....
2018-01-21 [Mortified Penguin]: But did you see this coming...?!
*does nothing*
*makes no joke about pegging*
*eats ramen*
*pats himself on the back for posting yet another hilarious comment*
*secretly wipes all the blood on his hand off on himself*
Heh heh, sucker...
2018-01-21 [Sagacious Turkey]: *dunks a mop into the soup and starts mopping the floor*
*mops the potted plants as well*
*wrings the mop out in the soup, snaps it in half, and tosses both halves in the soup as well*
*washes his hands off in the soup*
That's enough work for this week. *takes $2000 out of the register and strolls out the door*
2018-01-21 [Mortified Penguin]: MY CARPET!! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get soup stains out of carpet?! Not very.
*takes $2.7 million out of the register and sets fire to the diner before dashing out the door*
2018-01-22 [Sheamus Finn]: *watches as Mortified Penguin rushes out the front and in the rear door of the diner*
"We all order down here...." says the clown at the counter
*hits clown with frying pan*
No, we don't have the money for that cameo silly clown....
2018-01-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Don't hit Misty with my frying pan! I just washed that several years ago.
2018-01-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Now [Elftron] is claiming the number of comments is only 40002.
2018-01-22 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-01-22 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-01-22 [Pied Crow]: You can't burn the diner down! Where else can I go to wait for backyard bread crumbs?!
2018-01-22 [Nuktae-tal]: We wouldn't waste good crumbs on you!! *throws worm and maggot filled bread out the back door*
2018-01-22 [Mortified Penguin]: MY GOURMET BREAD!
2018-01-23 [Sagacious Turkey]: *bursts back in and takes a seat at the bar*
Gallon of whiskey, please.
*hands the bartender a used napkin with "one dollur" written on it in crayon, but it promptly catches fire*
There seems to be more fire in here than usual.
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: I hadn't really noticed. *smolders*
2018-01-23 [Pied Crow]: *dines on a worm-maggot sandwich*
2018-01-23 [Nuktae-tal]: Me either *uses flame thrower to kill a small child unattended by it's parent.*
2018-01-23 [Infested_Zling]: *looks around blankly before taking a seat* something... edible, please
2018-01-23 [Nuktae-tal]: *Smashes bread with hammer and chisel*
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: *throws the bread in the garbage disposal and starts slicing up the hammer*
2018-01-23 [Nuktae-tal]: My penis! *grabs salami and smacks Most with it*
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: Most, NNOOOOO! *cradles his dying body*
He was my sixth best friend...
*shrugs and starts slicing him up as well*
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: *dumps the pile of Most and hammer slices into a plastic bag and flings the bag up onto the roof*
There you go, Infested_Peen. That'll be $600.
2018-01-23 [DarkRedKrueger]: Better go and fetch your food infested-peen.
2018-01-23 [Infested_Zling]: *sneakily slides him $599* ill ah, ill go get my bag of most... and hammer slices. or should i let it cook longer?
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: NO REFUNDS!
*karate chops FreddyKrueger'
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: AND STAY OFF MY ROOF!
2018-01-23 [Sagacious Turkey]: But does anyone ever wonder what happened to the little elves that used to make everyone's shoes??? I hate having to go steal from the shoe store/funeral home nowadays. ;(
2018-01-23 [Mortified Penguin]: I just don't wear shoes anymore.
*points at his bloodied, mangled feet, covered in shards of glass and snails*
2018-01-24 [Nuktae-tal]: I just eat shoes *passes around shoe jerky tongues.*
2018-01-25 [Pied Crow]: Whoaaa, Penguin! Are you sure having that on your feet is legal?
2018-01-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Yeah, probably. But severing that guy's feet and feeding them to my snails probably wasn't... I wonder why he was walking in gl- HEY, WHAT THE FUCK?! *picks up one of the snails*
THIS ISN'T A SNAIL, IT'S JUST A SLUG WITH A CHIP STUCK TO ITS BACK!
*violently rips the snail's shell off and hurls it into traffic, causing a car to swerve and crash into a school bus*
2018-01-25 [Nuktae-tal]: Hahahaha turbo snails... * eats es car go*
2018-01-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Please don't eat my friends. :(
2018-01-25 [Pied Crow]: ... Let us get back to you on that.
Hey! No one's written up a friscal report for six years! Need we ask why?
2018-01-25 [Nuktae-tal]: Hey no Gerry frisky up here!
2018-01-26 [Mortified Penguin]: I'M GETTING AROUND TO IT. I'm also getting around to changing the daily specials.
2018-01-26 [Pied Crow]: Who knows why, but I did the tedious copy-pasta work for you.
Pay me in either macro sergals or dragons.
2018-01-26 [Mortified Penguin]: Here, have a bunch of micro dragons: Ask Pauly the Anthro-Dragon!
2018-01-27 [Pied Crow]: Is that an exaggerated otherkin joke I see in there? Very promising!
2018-01-28 [Nuktae-tal]: A what who now?
2018-01-28 [Pied Crow]: We thought we were a therianthrope for a while, until we realized we were insulting therians everywhere. Now, we have a feathersona instead!
2018-01-28 [Nuktae-tal]: Feathers? Like a dinosaur?
2018-01-28 [Pied Crow]: That is correct. I am a bird with feathers, just like a dinosaur.
[Sagacious Turkey] is really a Prudent T-Rex.
2018-01-28 [Sideways]: Bob’s Diner needs a discord server. Badly
2018-01-28 [Pied Crow]: Discord server? I don't see the advantage, other than being accessible through Skype's replacement.
2018-01-28 [Sagacious Turkey]: *roars and eats a customer's head... prudently*
2018-01-29 [Pied Crow]: Mr. Turkey...! Are you...trying to seduce me?!
2018-01-29 [Sagacious Turkey]: *eats another customer's head... sensually*
2018-01-29 [Mortified Penguin]: I'm pretty sure a discord server would take away from the true diner's friscal earnings.
2018-01-30 [Pied Crow]: Turkey, you're such a beast! Now, pin me to the ground and growl at me, menacingly!
2018-01-30 [Sagacious Turkey]: *pins you to the ground and charges you $12.99 for an extra packet of (used) ketchup... menacingly*
2018-01-30 [Mortified Penguin]: MY PERSONAL KETCHUP STASH!
2018-01-31 [Yuriona]: Is it Dijon ketchup at least?
2018-01-31 [Pied Crow]: Everything's good with dinosaurs, HEEEELP!!!
Er, I mean... Nice try, but I only ever bring five dollars with me on small trips like this!
2018-01-31 [Sagacious Turkey]: Only five dollars?! Get off me, whore, I'm saving myself for marriage! *violently hurls Pie Crow into the oven*
*spots a wealthy looking old woman, fumbling through her purse for some old person candy*
Mmm... hey, baby, you look like you can afford my shipping and handling fees. Let's get a look at those prehistoric gams... *starts feeling up her prunes and even her raisins*
2018-01-31 [Mortified Penguin]: *eats pre-wrapped dijon ramen*
2018-01-31 [Mortified Penguin]: Wait... GRANNY, NNNOOOOOOO!
*slaps Turkey*
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY INHERITANCE!
2018-01-31 [Sagacious Turkey]: *starts groping her with his feet*
2018-01-31 [Pied Crow]: Put a fork in me, I'm done.
2018-01-31 [Pied Crow]: (I'm sure you've never heard that before!)
2018-01-31 [Mortified Penguin]: I've never heard anything before, I'm blind. Now get back in the oven, gazpacho takes at least twelve hours.
*shoves Cro (I'm too lazy to add the 'w') back into the oven and duct tapes it shut*
2018-01-31 [Mortified Penguin]: *hangs some inspirational informational artwork in the bathroom, over the trough*
2018-01-31 [Nuktae-tal]: Meow
2018-01-31 [Mortified Penguin]: *slaps the hell out of the cat*
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CATCHING THE MICE IN THE KITCHEN! *points at a gang of possums, crouched threateningly and wielding nunchuks and katanas*
Also, stop eating my lasagna...
2018-02-01 [Nuktae-tal]: *whips out whips and whips self with whips in hand.*
2018-02-01 [Mortified Penguin]: B-but... cats don't do that... they don't even have hands... and seldom self-flagellat
2018-02-01 [Mortified Penguin]: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANTARCTICA, CAT?!
*pulls out a knife*
TELL ME AND I'LL LET YOU HAVE THIS REALLY COOL KNIFE!!
2018-02-01 [Pied Crow]: Well...? Is it safe to come out?
2018-02-01 [Mortified Penguin]: *kicks the oven*
SHUT UP IN THERE, WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION! I SAID TWELVE MORE HOURS!!
2018-02-01 [Nuktae-tal]: The Antarctic is very cold... and sort of North... depending on your point of view.
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: Hmm, sounds factual. *hands over the deed to the knife*
2018-02-02 [Nuktae-tal]: Yes! * whips deed into shape... of a star*
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: ...
*stabs you with the knife*
2018-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Oh, I see how it is. I know when I've been insulted! I know when I've been insulted!
*over-exerts self and passes out*
2018-02-02 [~Crimson Angel~]:
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: Speaking of, I should restart Death Note Game. We just need to have a bunch of active Elftowners first...
2018-02-02 [Pied Crow]: Sorry, I'm not into humans with knives.
Um, and I'm not good with forum games. Talking with degenerate birds is the most social activity I do for leisure these days.
*cooks for another 12 hours*
2018-02-02 [Mortified Penguin]: *looks up from his bible*
I'm not degenerate. 
*goes back to eating his bible*
2018-02-04 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-02-04 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-02-04 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-02-04 [Nuktae-tal]: Hay now! *throws hay in the air.*
2018-02-04 [Mortified Penguin]: *a cute, sweet pony looks visibly upset at the waste of all that perfectly good hay*
HAY! Get back in that meat grinder!
*shoves Misty into the meat grinder*
*gathers up all the loose hay and feeds it to the happy pony*
2018-02-05 [Pied Crow]: Hooray for birds!
2018-02-05 [Mortified Penguin]: Nobody likes birds. *spits in the bird bath in the middle of the diner*
2018-02-06 [Nuktae-tal]: *builds crows nest in ceiling fan and settles in comfortably* aye captain.
2018-02-06 [Pied Crow]: Hmm, let's think about this... What kind of ceiling fan would Bob's Diner install?
2018-02-06 [Mortified Penguin]: You'd think it'd be something funny, like a helicopter propeller or something, but it isn't. It's just a regular old fan.
*turns it on, messing up several spider webs and launching a number of angry spiders into the air*
See? Lame. Though, it is impressive we managed to install a ceiling fan with no ceiling...
*the fan starts sparking up and spinning wildly out of control*
*it catches fire and detaches from the nonexistent ceiling*
*the flaming fan flies throughout the diner, flinging furious fiery spiders and decapitating a number of screaming, terrified patrons*
Laaaaame... *casually goes back to reading the paper*
2018-02-06 [Mortified Penguin]: *circles an ad looking for new ShareBlue employees to shill Bob's Diner*
Hey, have you guys heard about this awesome Hillary guy? Totally better than Drumpf! And I'm like 80% sure she isn't a reptilian... But in all seriousness, we can't let that man near the nuclear codes.
*starts screaming incomprehensib
*five cents is deposited into my account*
2018-02-06 [Mortified Penguin]: Roll Tide!
But seriously though, they shouldn't have messed up my order...
2018-02-07 [Nuktae-tal]: Sad days...
2018-02-07 [Mortified Penguin]: The nights are also sad too as well...
2018-02-07 [Pied Crow]: Hey. Don't joke about people being reptilians. We take that stuff seriously! Don't get our hopes up!!
2018-02-07 [~Crimson Angel~]: Taco Bell apparently has fries now, which is weird...
2018-02-07 [Pied Crow]: Oh. Yeah, nacho fries! They must be advertised well, everyone's talking about them.
2018-02-07 [Mortified Penguin]: I tried to order some, but apparently they were out and just gave me chips instead... Hence, the arson my lawyer keeps telling me to stop "bragging about" and "admitting to"... that fire was pretty nifty though.
2018-02-08 [Nuktae-tal]: That's because they were my fries nachos...
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]: 
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]: *shrugs and just grows his own nacho potato tree*
2018-02-08 [Sagacious Turkey]: *bursts in, brandishing a pile of cash threateningly*
HAND OVER THE SPECIAL AND TWO ORDERS OF THE MORE EXPENSIVE COOKED SUSHI OR ELSE!!
2018-02-08 [Mortified Penguin]: I TOLD YOU, WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!
Anyway, it was good doing business with you, Achmed. *hands him a large box labeled, "BOMBS - for rats"*
Good luck with your infid- er, rat problem. *tips his hat*
2018-02-08 [Sagacious Turkey]: Waaaiiiit a second... you don't have a hat!
*immediately calls the police*
Yeah, I was trying to rob this shithole and this guy here has a really suspicious hat. Yeah. Uh huh. My name? My location?! MY HIP SIZE?! Sorry, wrong number. Bye, I love you too.
*slams the rotary phone into the wall*
A swat team should be arriving soon to arrest everyone except me.
2018-02-08 [Sagacious Turkey]: *glances at the clock on the wall*
Aaaany minute now...
2018-02-09 [Pied Crow]: Mort!
... What happened to your pocket knife?
2018-02-09 [Mortified Penguin]: This one...?
*starts to pull out his pocket knife, but is promptly gunned down by several naked police officers*
2018-02-09 [Mortified Penguin]: *the police surround Mort's corpse and start putting his hat in cuffs*
MY HAT!
*they also cuff Mort's corpse's lips*
MM LPS!!
*shrugs and goes back to reading his paper*
2018-02-10 [Pied Crow]: People? But, this isn't a village!
Number of comments: 42310
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